Is It Not To Melt?

Originally uploaded by DigiGirl.

I love Seattle. I adore my wonderful family and the amazing friends I have here. I love my routine, my house, my bed, my coffee pot. As I flew home yesterday, and the plane dropped below the clouds, I sighed with happiness as I saw evergreens instead of palm trees swaying in the breeze. And today, even though that breeze now has knives in it that cut through layers with a reminder that winter isn't quite over yet, I love this town and this life I've made here.

And yet, after four days spent becoming totally smitten with this amazing munchkin and her equally wonderful parents (and feet!), I am bereft, longing for the easy connection and everyday interaction that comes from living in close proximity to the people you love most. We're both blessed and cursed by our mobility and the technology that allows, and sometimes requires, us to pull up roots and sink them where they can't intertwine with their kin.

So since I am rooted in the north, and she is a girl of the south (though thank goodness we're both west!), I'll have to settle for what I can get. If I can't snuggle and smell and sing to her every day, at least I can plan more visits (and soon!) watch her on the video cam and see photos taken just this afternoon of her silly face and curly clean hair and her amazingly funny feet.

But oh, still the ache.

Giggle of the Day

After blowing her very stuffy nose...

Sophie: How do you make a tissue dance?

Me: Um... play a it a jig?

Sophie: No! Put a little boogie in it!

Monday Morning Reminder

It would do me well to read this every day, as I attempt to surrender and trust that the Universe will continue to provide as she always has...

Trust
by Thomas R. Smith

It's like so many other things in life
to which you must say no or yes.
So you take your car to the new mechanic.
Sometimes the best thing to do is trust.

The package left with the disreputable-looking
clerk, the check gulped by the night deposit,
the envelope passed by dozens of strangers
all show up at their intended destinations.

The theft that could have happened doesn't.
Wind finally gets where it was going
through the snowy trees, and the river, even
when frozen, arrives at the right place.

And sometimes you sense how faithfully your life
is delivered, even though you can't read the address.

This Is My Message To You-ou-ou

One might think, reading my blog over time, that I'm quite possibly mildly bi-polar. While that's one way to view it, I prefer my friend Bonnie's description - I have big feelings. Big lows (ah, Molly) and big highs. Today, we're on a definite upswing.

First off, Happy Happy Imbolc! My most favourite of the pagan holidays, and this one has dawned beautifully crisp and sunny. I had a fabulous swim - someone actually complimented me on my kickboarding, go figure. "Three Little Birds" is playing right now and the kids and I are dancing... how can that not lift one's spirits? And since Phil didn't see his shadow for the first time since 1999 spring is officially JUST around the corner.

Then there's the big news... JK Rowling has finished the last Harry Potter book - Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - and announced that it will be released on July 21st! This kicks planning into high gear in our household, as we promised the kids that we'd go to London for its release. We're all so feckin' excited we hardly know what to do with ourselves. And somehow, by luck or kismet, the date doesn't conflict with any other summer plans. So two weeks in the UK this summer will be spent Harry Pottering, visiting friends, seeing castles... OH! THE EXCITEMENT! If you have any suggestions for things we must see and do with a 7 and 9 year old, please send them on.

R.I.P. Molly (1944-2007)

One of my heroes died today and my heart broke wide open. When I heard that Molly Ivins had lost her fight with breast cancer, I was in the car on the way to the grocery store, and I immediately started crying. The tears haven't stopped fully since, simmering below the surface, the lump in my throat making it hard to type even now.

I had the pleasure of seeing her once, when she did an appearance with Al Franken here in Seattle in September 2003. She was warm and funny, and mad as hell about what was happening in this country. And she was a fellow supporter of Howard Dean's presidential bid, which made me love her all the more.

She was one-of-a-kind, an amazing, inspirational writer, unabashedly, ruthlessly liberal, and she mercilessly gave the Republicans and the Bush administration in particular exactly the kind of hell they deserved. I'm pretty sure Shrub and Rove and that evil fuck Cheney are raising a glass tonight in thanks that she's gone.

I'm just so sad and angry. If you ever needed proof that life isn't remotely fair, just ponder that we lost Molly's bright light to fucking cancer while the waste of skin in the White House still walks blindly and pathetically among us, doing more damage to our country every day. How utterly ridiculous that she, of all people, will never get to celebrate the end of our long national nightmare when it finally, finally comes (719 days, by my count).

In her final column (god, how it hurts to type that), Molly implores us to get get the hell up and take some action to stop this horrific futile war... to refuse to allow Bush to send more of our men and women to die in his Iraq debacle:

"We are the people who run this country. We are the deciders. And every single day, every single one of us needs to step outside and take some action to help stop this war. Raise hell. Think of something to make the ridiculous look ridiculous. Make our troops know we're for them and trying to get them out of there. Hit the streets to protest Bush's proposed surge. If you can, go to the peace march in Washington on Jan. 27. We need people in the streets, banging pots and pans and demanding, "Stop it, now!"

I've felt so defeated and helpless since November 2004, it's been hard to get my heart back into the process. Even taking back Congress, as much as it pleased me, didn't move me to action. I think back to 2003, how alive and hopeful I felt as Dean's campaign caught fire, as I imagined the possibilities and threw myself utterly and completely behind his candidacy... and I compare it the lukewarm emptiness I feel now when I look at the pool of Democratic candidates.

But in your memory Molly, I will try. I'll try to find some way to act, to make my voice heard as the chorus of NO MORE! grows. I'll try to find some way to re-ignite the spark and the hope. I'll keep my eyes open for the candidate with some Elvis in him, because as you oh-so-preciently predicted last time around, "You can't win without Elvis," and I'll throw my lot in and write and call and caucus and VOTE, speak truth to power, and do what I can to fix what's been so badly broken.

Good-bye, Molly Ivins, hellraiser extraordinaire. We miss you already.

Today's Moment of Duh

The lead headline on my news portal this morning made me shake my head in wonder:

U.S. May Have Botched Training of Iraqis

WASHINGTON (AP) - Training the police is as important to stabilizing Iraq as building an effective army there, but the United States has botched the job by assigning the wrong agencies to the task, two members of the Iraq Study Group said Wednesday.

"The police training system has not gone well," said former Rep. Lee Hamilton, who co-chaired the bipartisan commission.

You think?

I'm just waiting for tomorrow's headline, Scientists Confirm: World Definitely Round.

WASL meets Pikachu, blood all over

In April, the boy will be taking the reading and math sections of the WASL (Washington Assessment of Student Learning) for the first time. Starting last week, as a way of helping the students know what kinds of questions to expect, his teacher started sending home practice questions as part of their weekly homework.

And now, apparently, I am having test anxiety on his behalf.

I find this strange because I was one of those freaky kids who enjoyed taking the state standardized tests. I've always tested well, and I loved the shuffling around of the routine during testing week. And as for the kid, he did fine on the practice sheet, and doesn't seem to be at all uptight about the test - what's to worry?

Tell that to my subconscious which treated me to a strange little dream in which Nathan, Sophie and I had to take the test, all together in the same room. But it wasn't your traditional reading and math test, oh no. The questions were these very complex story problems, and the very first one was not only testing math skills, but Pokemon knowledge (oh yes, boy is very much back into Pokemon these days and it's apparently bleeding into my life as well). There were 65 cards in the problem, and I had to figure out which one was the most powerful, based on hit points.

Of course, being in the same room as the kids was distracting me from the task at hand, so in addition to being flummoxed by the subject matter, I was also having a really hard time even understanding what I was being asked to do.

And the time limit was fast approaching...

Aaaagh!

Really. Aren't there other things my dreaming mind could better spend its time on?

Meme Time

Nabbed from Lil' Miss Sunshine because it's such a cool one. No tags, but if you want to, grab it and go; let me know and I'll link back to you.

The iPod (because really, what else is there?) Shuffle

The Rules:
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question

What does next year have in store for me?
Do You Hear What I Hear? - Northwest Boychoir
(Eh? What was that?)

What's my love life like?
Let Him Fly - Patty Griffin
(Considering I have no interest in single parenthood, this isn't likely. He can fly right into the kitchen and make me some pie!)

What do I say when life gets hard?
Goodbye - Mark Erelli
(Bwahahahahah! This is so NOT me! Or is it? EEEK!)

What do you think of on waking up?
Be-In - Hair
(Hare Krishna, indeed.)

What song will I dance to at my wedding?
Everyone's Gone To The Moon - Sara Hickman
(Ah - nice slow dreamy song to dance to. But I honestly don't plan to get married again... see # 2)

What do you want as a career?
There's No Crying In Baseball - Tom Hanks
(Okay, this isn't exactly a song, more a quick sound clip. Yet it came up and it's completely accurate. My dream career would involve baseball. So I'm leavin' it.)

Your favourite saying?
The Other Man - Sonia
(I don't think that this is a saying. These days I prefer "Godspeed, little doodle!")

Favourite place?
Big Noise - Eddie From Ohio
(Only if the big noise is from the hot water filling my bath tub.)

What do you think of your parents?
Dreaming of the Queen - Pet Shop Boys
(My mom, the Queen? She'd like that, I'm sure. *grin*)

What's your Pornstar name?
Hold Me Tonight - Red Grammer
(Oh baby!)

Where would you go on a first date?
Shower The People - James Taylor
(Do I know how to have fun or *what*? I'm not sure how the people would feel though. Probably depends on what I'm showering them with.)

Drug of choice?
Younger Than Spring - Dave Matheson
(Yes, it would likely make me feel this way.)

Describe yourself
A Time For Love - Megon McDonough
(I can go with this. I put a pretty big emphasis on the love thing... family, friends, mankind... most everyone except dubya.)

What is the thing i like doing most?
The Letter - Year With Frog and Toad
(Another good one. I spent a lot of time this week sending catch up e-mails to friends, new and old.)

What is my state of mind like at the moment?
I Never Thought I'd Live To Be A Hundred - The Moody Blues
(Eerie. I have been thinking about aging, and how much time has passed in my life... and how much I might have left... and what the hell I want to do with it. And I've even been moodily blue today.)

How will I die?
Ballad of the Dime Store Greaser and the Blonde Mona Lisa - Blue Rodeo
(Greasy, blonde, and smiling enigmatically.)

Take the Weather with You

It is 5 am. I get up this early a couple of days/week to do the early morning lap swim, but today I sit here, writing, instead. Why?

SNOW. Again. Coming down pretty steadily right now, and Seattle public has already cancelled classes for the day. This is day #6 the kids have missed due to weather, one of them due to the Windpocalypse when millions had no electricity, but the rest because of snowy and icy streets. They'll need to make most, if not all, of them up so they'll be in school until at least June 27th. They are, as you can imagine, NOT amused.

Now, the forecast calls for warming today, so all of this is predicted to turn into rain and wet later. And then... wait for it... REFREEZE overnight. So the chances that I'll be sitting here bitching again tomorrow morning are not insignificant.

I am comletely done with this. I want my drizzle back. I want to see some COLOR again - the green of the grass and evergreens and rosemary bushes. I want the snow to be something that I drive to, and enjoy, rather than something I have to deal with on a daily basis. I am just DONE.

Namaste

Today.

One last bow at 11 a.m., a roomful of clapping yogis and yoginis, chocolate treats (dark and bitter) for everyone but me, and my weeklong yoga intensive came to an end.

Though I've been a yoga student for 9 years, this was my first experience with such a focused regular practice. My normal routine is one class per week with very occasional home work when the mood hits and I have some time, or when I want to get the kids doing something physical that doesn't involve them chasing each other or jumping on the furniture.

So committing to coming to the mat for an hour and a half every day for a week was a big thing for me. And I have to say that it was - no exaggeration - transformative. I think of myself differently today than I did a week ago. I'm stronger, more limber, more centered and comfortable in my body. I pushed through the soreness and fatigue and reached some brief moments of both physical and mental clarity, where the alignment was there and I had no thought in my head other than now, and no sounds other than the in-and-out of my breath.

And I want more of it. I want it every day, maybe not for a full hour and a half, but at least for the space of a half-dozen sun salutations, for the minute or two of a perfectly balanced headstand.

Last spring I participated in a weekend workshop led by Anusara founder John Friend (and I will do so again in just a few weeks) and the feeling at the end of that weekend was similar, though the practice itself was not as deeply ingrained after only 3 days. It's a feeling I've had just a few times in my life, as if I'm hearing an audible click when I encounter someone that I'm meant to meet or something that I'm meant to do.

This practice is part of my path. I knew it already, but now I know it.

So beginning tomorrow I renew my commitment to give some part of every day to the mat. I'll temper it with enough generosity to myself to be forgiving on those days I'm just not able to make it happen. And I'll see where it leads.